by R. Monds
When she was just 19 she married a multi-millionaire 30 years older than her. True to her drama queen theatrics, she was four hours late for the wedding. Proud to have zero feelings towards poor South Africans, she boldly declared: ‘I’m more than delighted to eat croissants and blue cheese in front of starving citizens.’ Her critics (many female) label her a ‘gold digger, attention whore and chancer’ who owns seven cars and 600 pairs of shoes – one pair for every single day of the week. But, like or resent her, this self-styled ‘Queen of Bling’ has rose to become the most famous celebrity and personality in Africa’s biggest economy – so says Google Trends 2013. When she deliberately mistakes underwear for evening wear to a public music party, every South African wire and magazine editor knows she is gift for moving newsprint copies.
South Africa’s fame industry is still in its infancy (compared to Los Angeles, London or Paris) but her name is the most clicked item on Google Africa ahead of the president of South Africa. Copycat Twitter and Facebook pages glorify and deride her lavish sex scandals such that a commissioning editor on the country’s private station E.tv revealed, ‘just to hire her to wiggle hips before cameras for ten minutes costs us 35 000 Rands ($US3500).
Khanyi Mbau is her real name and she is Africa’s most famous celebrity ‘famous for being famous.’ Remarkably, she has attained this status without a raunchy sex tape, a horrific personality breakdown like Lindsay Lohan or shaving her head in distress (aka Britney Spears).
The 27 year old celebrity grew up in a comfortable home in Soweto Township, Johannesburg, which also happens to be Africa’s biggest suburb. When she was in her teens she cut her teeth in South Africa’s pacey T.V soaps and as a cocky presenter. Basking in the rave and lust of viewers she quickly went overboard and declared: ‘I won’t marry any man unless he’s a millionaire with a Lamborghini. That’s minimum.’
True to her Imelda Marcos-like ambitions, in 2006 she won the hand in marriage of a millionaire sugar-dad who plied her with 600 pairs of shoes until ‘we had a room packed with shoes and clothes only minus people.’ It was an Alice in Wonderland union in which her husband made sure that their personalized Lamborghinis were packed in the flower beds for any sneaky journalist to see. The ill-fated marriage ended in a tabloid style divorce amid allegations of unnatural sex acts under coercion but not without a daughter whom she aptly named ‘Cannes’ – a glitzy reference to the annual international film festival held in Cannes, France.
Today her extravagant birthday parties wont lapse until there are mind blowing scenes of sushi and macaroni beans being plucked and eaten off the bellies of hot nude men lying on ironing boards. South Africa’s gender groups and politicians have fumed about her ‘insulting the poor and un-African parties’ but she sticks to her mottos: ‘I live life with in the moment with no regrets.’
Like some sort of a soulless Jenifer Lopez, her talents range from music (a cameo gate crashing into any hit music video that hogs the limelight at any time) X-rated television dramas and pin-ups on magazines covers from FHM to the local version of Vanity Fair. Wanting to cash on her insatiable thirst for the red carpet and paparazzi camera, ETV South Africa has created for her a reality show titled: ‘Khanyi Mbau – Reality Check.’ In the show she fakes humanitarian trips (pretending to clean up saw-dust in South Africa’s poor townships) and makes dreary tears about her improbably difficult upbringing. On occasion she pulls a big one for the viewers, ‘the biggest misconception people have about me is that I don’t have real human problems, like everyone else.’
Incidentally her life is not absent of hiccups. Critics have raped her for cultivating ‘false values’ among young black South African girls who might imitate her carefree lifestyle. In April 2013 she allegedly slept on a restaurant couch and roamed the streets after she booked a non-existent hotel in Lagos, Nigeria during the Africa Movie Academy Awards. Whether she was anguished or tickled, she screamed loud and high in a shoddily written biography titled: ‘BITCH PLEASE! I’M KHANYI MBAU.’
Bio – The writer is the editor of the African Scientist Magazine www.africascientistmag.wordpress.com and Ladies Weekly Magazine www.ladiesweekly.wordpress.com
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